Dunstable Dienstag

Hell, it's about time.

2010-09-15T10:01:00.000-07:00

Once upon a Time, on a tuesday in a land long forgotten, was an ancient tower in a forgotten kingdom. An ancient wizard still lived there, and he was so old and so ancient and so forgotten, that the seconds, minutes, hours, and even years stopped simply passing before him, but simply stopped before him. Time paused, sensing this strange, old, long-forgotten presence. Ancient age and time make mortals forget, but make Time take notice. The wizard of the forgotten kingdom in the ancient tower of the forgotten land had got so old, that Time - with its infinite existence in infinite loss and loneliness - paused for the first time. At long last Time found an ancient being that had seen continents crumble and babies born and deities die. At long last a kindred spirit.
For the first time in eternity, time slowed, crawled, and stopped. It did not take the wizard long to notice Time standing before him; in fact it did not take the wizard anything to notice Time standing before him. At his ancient age, years passed in the blink of an eye and he blinked an eye in a year. But here now, time stood still, for Time stood still. And time spoke.

"Wizard, why were you there?" For time did not know the present, or the here, and spoke as such.

The wizard sat still, as he had remained for longer than anyone can remember, but as long as nobody can forget.

"Wizard, you were the first I had stopped for, and I had been traveling forever. I wanted to rest."

The wizard moved - imperceptibly at first - stood up and freed his chair for Time, for it was the only one in the empty tower. As Time took its seat, he asked:

"Wizard, I thanked you for your seat and my rest."

The wizard had not stopped and was heading away from the chair, as if he was remembering step by step how to move, let alone walk. Soon the wizard was strolling, soon striding. The wizard started to hasten, to run, to dash, to sprint. He was nearly out of sight when Time blinked an eye and asked:

"Wizard, what was your name?"

And the wizard, so increasingly fast now he was just a blur, answered:

"Time."

Love will be something important

2010-05-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

You know how i have a fetish for plagiarizing images with words on them. So here is one more i find makes me get really emotionally.

this has a lot of value for me. i love the hairstyle and i love how they are from the 90ies. its one of the songs i cant listen to all the time, i only save it for special occasions. So now I will post it. Argh, why is it always about life?

... And then I realized: It has nothing to do with me.

"Life moves on, and she flaps her wings."

< A dark alley > OR < The thrilling conclusion >

2010-04-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

Oar iz it?!

< A dark alley > OR < I like my women like I like my ravens >

2010-04-25T15:30:00.000-07:00

Cold sweat trickles down his forehead.

He stumbles down the worn cobble-stone street, pursued by an unseen pursuer, scared of being described with phrases as overused as his worn out shoes, Botticelli's, Italian, the kind you buy the day before a funeral, the funeral of a forgotten friend, forgotten like one forgets to buy shoes to match a shabby black suit, but shoes can be bought at the Italians in The Dark Alley, friends cannot - or so he thought. For everything had a price, a price he had to pay, yes; it had all started with the shoes, the money purse weighed down by a bad conscience, ...and the fickle promise of a friend.

Relentlessly they slap the pavement, the shoes do, like a delirious Jamaican slaps his bass guitar, as if they hadn't punished their runner enough and now, in a final fit of malice, let their hatred out on the entire town.He could not go on, yet he did not stop, he could not stop, the merciless pace of his shoes echoing off the dead cellars, the rotten houses and the decaying chimneys, amplified to a terrible chorus of scrapes and slaps and flaps.
Slap.
Flap.
Slap. Flap.

Slapflapslapflapslapfrap. This is the sound of the pervs on chatroul
the Raven Baroness.

The thing you've been waiting for since Chinese democracy

2010-03-13T12:33:00.000-08:00

PG-13: Offensive language, breathtaking imagery.

CLICK UP THERE FOR THE WHOLESOME EXPERIENCE. IF A GOD EXISTS HE WOULD NOT BE A CRANKFURTER, BUT HE SURE AS HELL WOULD LIVE OFF THEM.

SPONSORED BY A FAMOUS SCIENTOLOGIST.

It is tuesday.

Coming soon... [that's what she said]

2010-02-03T14:34:00.000-08:00

Bacon, cont.

2010-01-01T09:41:00.000-08:00

"Bacon bits can even make bacon better."

And we all know what goes well with bacon!
That's right - Waffles.

Bacon Through The Ages

2009-12-22T08:46:00.000-08:00

In the Stone Age, meat was a sign of power and physical dominance.

Meat is so great. Why is it so great. It is so tasty.

Assert yourself as top of the foodchain! King of the Creatures!

-Baconface, 120000 B.C.
In the Middle Ages, rich people were fat. They also ate much meat.That is all there is to say.

The power as your fangs sever the animal flesh!

The rough brawn you feel as your choppers gnaw on meat!

The carnal desire as you slaughter your victim fresh!

The delight you find in this scrumptious treat!

- Lord Fatté de Baconface, 1442

Having considered the most important historical figures, let's review what we say about meat today:

This cute young fellow reminds me of a mammoth for some strange reason . He shall become rich, fat and powerful. If his heart doesn't give up on him in his 20's.You so tasty!

Carnivores are great. Just look at all these practical applications.

But seriously (rule 412), in the future:

Go vegan. Don't eat fur.

The Art of Losing

2009-09-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

Humans are confronted with failure on a daily sporadically updated basis. Missing appointments, losing contests, and messing up.
Thinking about this, what should our reaction to these mishaps be?

We could accept them and move on. Realizing them, but then forgetting them in order to focus on the future.
Or you could analyze them, work it all out and find out reasons for your failure, in order to avoid these occasions in the future.
Looking for excuses is another possibility, justifying your failure to be able to live with your shortcomings.

You lost, is it worth looking for the reasons? On the one hand, dwelling on your mistakes will either let you crash into a pit of despair (bet you didn't know where that term came from) or, on the other hand, let you learn from your mistakes. (yeah right, as if that's going to happen...) "Learning" from them might very well save you from such situations in the future. Avoiding failure, seems normal - Natural. Natural? Humans fail, it's in their nature. We have the urge to compete, to overcome obstacles and to try, not to succeed but to try. By competing, overcoming obstacles and trying, we face the possibility of failure. By learning from mistakes to circumvent these failures, aren't we going against the very fiber of our beings? (which is oh so very mysteriously woven, am I right?) Everything about you, the little habits, the subtle composure, the GINORMOUS FAILURES BAYBAY, are what define us as a person.

So on the third hand, accepting the failures, not looking for excuses and continuing your fallible existence makes you endure as the person that you are.
And also fail.
At life.
Continuously.

In the spirit of this revelation, I'll hand on to you something that will let you lose even at luck:

I used to roll the dice

feel the fear in my enemies eyes

has absolutely nothing to do with this

Now, I could come to a pointless conclusion like "In the end, everyone has to decide for himself" lopping off the last tumorous fleck of sense form this barren landscape, void of rational thought.

But I won't.

Yo Mom's Spaghettiyo

2009-08-31T14:32:00.000-07:00

Oh unholy gods of hell what is this hellish unholy noise plaguing me? Hell Thesaurus is broken.

Remember the other day I posted that sucky-but-in-a-way-ironically-funny video about those lame douchettes? (or is it she-douches? I do not know)

Anyway, that song "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's? I see there are some hilarious and creepy variations thereof.

It's a great idea that Starbucks advertises the musicians it features in its mellifluous ambient noise, but mayhap refrain from subjecting innocuous bystanders to the cacophonous clamor of independent musical novices? (Undoubtedly Thesaurus is operating once more)

Seriously though, the "rising young artist" was some

James Jen Erik

New Album OUT NOW: Your Eyes Are So Blue

Featuring the one-time-hits Why is the sky blue?, I'm feelin' Blue,

and the hit single Little Blue Pill!

And before we wrap up the daily dose of sarcasm, here's a riddle:Which amateurish am I thinking of? (Hint: The name starts with Bargayott and ends with Valjusha!)

And now in utmost sincerity, this artist looks promising. I hope to hear you around a coffee shop someday.

Douchey Diensday

2009-08-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

Dear reader, the other day while I was watering my garden
An introduction? Oh please. SO beyond that.

Douchebags are a pretty poor excuse for a mammal. They're a pretty poor excuse for a waste of space. If I wanted to suffer their presence, I might as well listen to The Smashing Pumpkins and smack my head against a brick wall repeatedly. Same effect, "bro."

Now, from the two random people who made that funny video, you know the one... with that guy? Who gets hurt? Never mind, look at this douche-inspired musical rap. SO TRUE.

Also, it seems some of these lesser life forms are capable of (involuntary) self-irony. This douche is talking about how his underwear - which he wears - is douchy. Wow, this takes his douchebaggery to a whole new level. It's just like a double-quarter-pounder vegi-burger: Twice the amount of what you don't want.

And finally, speaking of douches, check out Bargayott & Valjusha. Haha they so funny.
It is tuesday.

1234 love DAMMIT

2009-08-19T13:18:00.000-07:00

Has it ever happened that you forgot your password to an important website?

Were you writhing in your chair out of frustration, trying to stop yourself from imagining terrible identity theft scenarios?

New, from the people who brought you "Liver Tissues - Alc B Gone™" comes the breakthrough in Why-didn't-I-think-of-that-Technology:

Gray Matters® - You've got it, use it already, numbnuts!"

In related news, someone is feeling a sick burn.

The Missing Entry

2009-08-12T10:46:00.001-07:00